Day 9 - Durian feasting

1) Mao Shan Wang breed
2) Durian stall near my place

Slept in late again and watched service online. The rest of the day was spent playing arcade games on my laptop with a CONTROLLER (at last). Called the guys out in the evening for durians and we split 3 Mao Shan Wang among us. 3 pretty good catch; 1 was sweet, the other was bitter while another was a blend of both sweet n bitter. The flesh was creamy and very dense. I got pretty full after a few seeds though.

Day 10 - Dinner

1) Thank you gift from Saucony Passion Run

Started my 10-day break on Sat. Slept in till late 11am+ due to the bbq the night before and just laze around watching movies on my laptop the entire day. Plenty of old flicks such as the Rocky series, Home Alone series etc, good old mindless entertainment.

Attended the Saucony Passion Run dinner on behalf of my clinic. Then again, its logical that i should be the only person going since practically everything was covered by me from preparation of the running talk to the logistics. Anyway I intend to make the Passion Run clinic an annual affair as long Im still in Singapore. FOC of course.

Somehow, as you aged, you don't really enjoy going to such "formal" dinners. Most people see it as a good opportunity for net-working and making themselves known to the other industries, just in case should they need a favor in times of emergency. But honestly, Im an Exercise Physiologist, these events are better off left to the Business / Marketing guys, not me. Im not really into making small talks for the sake of doing it. E.g. one of the VIP is a certain person from a prominent drink company. I don't see how that is linked to my work, unless of course I go up and say "come, let's do a study on your drink and see does it really help running as you claim". The VIP would probably think Im siao.

V

Its 3.20am; work's gonna start in a few hours and Im still awake.

Maybe its that 2 cups of coffee I had 15 hrs ago (2 cups only !!!!), maybe its those in-btw naps again, maybe its that fun-till-4am Friday that I had. Definately there's some work issues that's never ending in my mind and that sian-ness that's its monday again (aka monday blues setting in on a Sunday night).

I dont blog much these days.

I dont know why.

Not that there's nothing to blog; but rather, somehow the fingers just refused to move after work. Its so much easier just clicking on the mouse.

Im still thinking of V as I typed this.

When N mentioned she's bringing V along for svs, my response was just "ok loh".

It was a mild awkward meeting yesterday, in the sense I was pretty zone out almost 90% of the time no thanks to the late Friday nite's out with my old airforce mates. Me and my stoopid idea of watching a 2am movie instead of going home to zzzz. Im probably too old for such things; the entire sat I was totally zapped of energy.

My first impression of V aesthetically was not mind-blowing or jaw-dropping; on the countary my mind just cant process anything at all with 80% still switched off. From pre-service till post-service till dinner, I was tired n never talked much but rather just listened to the amusing conversation btw N & V.

N went the other way after dinner while V & I took the direction of the interchange. We had better sharing of our faith in that 10 mins or so while waiting for her bus and was at this time my brain just started to process information better.

She's beautiful.

But of course, what left a lasting impression till now is not her looks; but the way she held herself, her sei3 and above all, her simple faith.

We are of similar age but she went through alot alot more moulding and sharpening than me. I understand from N that V came from a complicated background which was not further explained rather than the fact that V's an ex ah-lian. Well, that's pretty obvious :P

The way she phrased herself vocally and the content of her conversation displayed a life rich of experience & multiple directions despite having only minimum academic education.

Her Christian faith, is most striking above all. Over the 9 years of my walk with Christ, I have met new converts by the dozens esp among the youths. In the initial phase, they were full of fire and "God" or any other Christian terms are added in their vocabulary when they speak. Zealot-ness and "hype" are the common signs. Yet, many fizzled away with time.

V gave her life only last Christmas and was recently baptized. But instead of displaying the the usual "hype-ness", what I sensed and felt strongly was a mild sense of regret of not knowing Christ earlier in life and that she was fiercely holding on to God, treasuring every moment she has with Him. Most new believers are drunk in the renewed life of a believer; she chose to be drunk in the love of the Renewal, the Lord Himself.

Having been in the faith of almost 9 years, I consider myself to be familiar with theology, particularly in the area of Escatology or the Study of End Times. Im able to explain concepts and theories of scriptures which many of my other peers cant. Yet, V was able to put across her faith in a very simple and logical way that it was enough to amaze me. And when she lifted her hands to worship during service, it was obvious that she could summon the presence with ease.

Im sure life's not easy for V even as of now, but may the Lord's sight be over her for the rest of her days.

BBQ at the corridor

1) Setting up the pit
2) Adjusting the coals
3) Finally let's start cooking; cheese dogs to go first
4) Premium pork collar seasoned with prapika
5) Anyone bbq toast before?
6) Our lawyer doing something illegal despite knowing it
7) Post-bbq drinks cum snack
8) A shot from my corridor

It sure was a crazy "illegal" idea but heck, it went and ended well.

Surprise Friday

While its been a "political crappy I dont like" week, Friday ended with a surprise when a special express delivery came to the clinic counter for me.

The delivery man came with a huge package and ta-dah a Sundown Marathon carrier bag with an Adidas Polo-tee for me. Together with it was a vip guest tag for tomorrow's event.

See you guys tomorrow.

A blessed life ahead

Attended an ex-colleague cum senior in sports science sum fellow exercise physiologist's wedding last Friday night. It was very touching and sweet to hear their love-life and dating recollections on the video.

Wishing the couple a blessed married life ahead.

Down to earth

Its probably the most down to earth and simplest date I ever had.

Shorts and slippers sum me up.

We had a quick dinner at the hawker centre; her suggestion. Im low on $ anyway.

Followed by coffee at Mac cafe.. ... that's something pretty new for me.

And we just spent the next 4 hours talking away. Everything from our work, to our studies (she being a sports science grad. as well), to cats and dogs, to motorbikes, our jc life and even my stinky pillow.

I was able to share honest views on my spiritual walk with her despite our extreme differences; me being a charismatic pentacostant while she being a conservative traditional believer. One and possibly the only I would describe as sweet Christian ger.

Walked her home as it was near mid-night. Not a problem; she lives across the road from me.

Got caught in the rain after that but hey, worth it.

Fragmentation

"If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thought your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools"

Typing this at 3.45am when I have a full day at clinic tomorrow. Goodness.. ...

Severely lagging in updates, to the point of the blog collecting dust. Not that nothing fun happened; in fact, lots of stuff happened e.g. my first sports science conference, my first full-page magazine article that featured me and my views on video gait analysis, meet-up with F-cup, first on-stage hosting of the annual sports medicine meet etc.

In the Emperor's view, Im rising up fast. In a short span of 6 mths, my name rose from a nobody to quite a somebody.

Too fast; to the point, Im tired.

Im not burn out, that Im pretty sure. Im just playing catching up, which I know is good for me though its tough, esp when the standards are set against the Emperor's.

On appearance, things look ok. But how many actually knew what really happened. Particularly my head-on clash with management, what I call a real taste of "politics".

I have a weird reporting system. I report to the Emperor, of which I willingly submit coz he is indeed of worthy standards to be the authority place over me. But at the same time, I have to report to "blind bats" not of the same field , who's too comfy in their routine comfort zone that any plans for changes is met with a direct "no"

When I just started, I make up my mind not to be involved in this thing call "politics". With time, i realized that's only possible if you are just a routine worker whose words make no impact. With the gradual discovery that Im really a Head of department, the decision to say no to politics is really pure irresponsible. The truth is, there's nothing wrong or negative about politics. It only goes wrong when u want to manipulate it for your own gains such as greater pay raise or just being plain bossy. If however, you are able to tweak it well, you can use it to implement many changes and policies that can up the current working standards as well as morale of your men.

And for that, I got "threatened" by the blind bats on my job security and even my bonus. Yet each of their attempt failed as each time I merely refused to submit to their orders to close 2 eyes. Deep down I know they can only talk as I still have the Emperor's backing. But in a final attempt, they got back at me by trying to destroy one of my men and messing up my computer system.

The Emperor described me as a person who "dares step on other's toes" and "confrontational". With time, i realized how pple viewed me can be broken down into 2 classes. There would be one who think im arrogant in my work attitude while the other tend to see me as bold in my approach in work. "Coincidentally" the latter group comprises of righteous people who are persecuted by the unworthy for their effort to push for changes and speaking up for things which had gone wrong. The blind bats see as us rebels and try all means to eradicate us once they fail to win us over.

I wont think Im confrontational; I just feel Im making a stand for my beliefs and values rather than be wishy-washy and get blown around wherever the wind wants me to go. Some fault me as not willing to listen and always thinking Im right.

I do listen; only when needed to. If you are never in a decision making position whose words can impact the direction of the department for the years to come, then you have no right to evaluate and conclude that Im a person who always think Im right. Simply becoz that was exactly what happened to my predecessor who listened too much ultimately, has no stand to decide for the future.

Honestly, its tiring. The moment you make your stand, suddenly faces will change and behind every smile might come a knife preparing to stab you not just in the back but in front. Notes and documents have to be locked up after work in fear of sabotage.

Its so much easier, to close 2 eyes and let unrighteousness go rampant and let the just be persecuted and suppressed.

But yet... 6 decades to come, how am I gonna be answerable should I do that.

And at such times, temptation just loves to set in once again with more private offers; Im flattered actually. In such times of recession, how many get to have private big scale companies/groups coming to you and offering you a position even after a rejection given to them a few months back. To the point when I refuted "what about my left and right-hand men" and the answer given was "bring them with you and join us".

Talk about temptation.

Giving up is the easy way out.

That's simply what the blind bats are hoping for:

That I will burn out, give up and leave. Strong hopes they have on that considering it already happened to my 2 predecessors.

I always reflect back on my left-hand man. Im in constant amaze how he endured all the sufferings and persecution prior to my arrival and take on all the shit thrown to him by the blind bats.

Ending off on Rudyard Kipling "IF", I dont know when this struggle will end. I dont know if I can really finish it. I dont know what tomorrow holds. But all i do know is that the just shall live by faith.

"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!"

Fark

Yah, fark's the word.

Initially it was not so bad, but the more i read the email, the more I felt offended. While most things I can simply bo chup, what lim pei cannot tolerate is to be accused of doing something I never did. Heng my left-hand man has some IT knowledge.

so fark, 220.255.7.# is SingNet's new range of transparent proxies. In layman terms, any farking tom whose dick is harry, as long is using SingNet broadband, would display this number when surfing any sites that can capture IP addresses. So fark, never do investigations properly, dont anyhow wack, coz there's still a limit to how much nonsense a person can tahan.

I hardly have time to catch up with my sleep ever since the launch of the series of conferences, clinics and workshops which I have to run and here I am, some cockster accusing me of clicking "refresh" button over n and over again on a certain site.

FARK.

When I have such free time, the only thing im clicking is for my journal papers.